Widows don’t wear black (well not all of the time)…nor do we have two heads or carry leprosy. We walk among you unnoticed until normal little everyday things force us to fall apart in public and reveal ourselves. My name is Nicola Campbell and I became a widow at 36 on February 25th, 2012. This is my place to vent my frustrations at the jobsworths who don’t get it, wallow when I need to and discover a new future because the unthinkable did happen and my husband died suddenly at 38 leaving me and our two little babies under the age of two behind.

24 Replies to “About”

  1. Nicola, my deepest condolences on your loss. You have a lovely blog here and I encourage you to keep writing through your grief. You are not alone on this journey; there are others who will support you and help you along this rollercoaster life as a young widow. I am one of them! Thank you for linking to my blog ❤ ❤

  2. Hi. I have just read through your blog and I am sat here in tears but also in relief that I am not alone in this sad and lonely world. You should be so proud of what you are achieving for yourself and also for your little angels. In February 2012 I also lost my husband. Paul was 33 years old leaving me a widow at 34. It was 27th February, 5 days after losing my one year old son George. The last 12 months have been pretty damn awful hey!!! I just want you to know that I understand how hard things can be especially with two young children and if you ever need a moan or a shout I am here. If you get a minute please take a look at my website where you can read a little bit more about what happened. Keep you chin up Nicola. xx

    1. I can’t imagine what you went through. Your blog is amazing. I hope it gives you strength. I haven’t been writing recently and it was taking its toll. I suppose it’s cheap therapy for us.
      Good to hear from you.

  3. Sometimes ( ok often ) I get sucked into reading the Daily Mail–it gives me frequent david beckham pictures that no canadian online site will ever provide! This evening though it was not Beckham’s abs that grabbed my attention…it was your beautiful family. I spent the last hour reading your blog. I laughed out loud at the funny stories you shared about your husband (bed routine for your monkey baby!!genius!) and shed many tears as I read the details of your very difficult year. Nicola, I am thinking about you today and in the days to come. I wish you well.
    Sarah- in snowy and chilly Toronto

  4. What can I say? How sorry I am? Time is a great healer? All pointless platitudes that wont make you feel any better. I read only part of your blog, it’s alll to raw for me, as I lost my 14 year old Son to SADS almost 16 months ago.
    But a blog – what a fabulous idea! Informative, therapeutic and above a great distraction.
    I wish you and the children all the very best x

  5. Nicola, I am a 62-year old American woman living in Texas, USA. I read an article about you and your husband, Colin, in the Daily Mail today. I was stunned as it took me back 57 years to the night my father died of a sudden heart attack when I was five years old. The very odd thing: my father’s name was Colin Campbell (and his father was born in London) and he was also just 38 years old when he died. After reading the article, I wonder if his condition would now be considered SAD. I understand your grief. My mother was left at the age of 36 with two young daughters to raise alone and she did a marvelous job. The sadness of that night has always remained with me; however, and when I close my eyes and think about it, I am once again a terrified 5 year old watching my father die. My mother and sister and I did find peace and happiness again in life- one day at a time. Please accept my deepest condolences to you and your beautiful girls. Gail

  6. Hello Nicola, I’ve just discovered your blog and it happened at exactly the right moment. I lost my partner Chris suddenly last May and today’s been one of those days where I just seemed to be in a fog. I got through it but felt sad, moody, and wanted to scream the entire time. It’s hard to explain to friends why I can feel like this one day and be relatively ok the next. Reading some of your posts tonight has helped me realise that there are people out there who do understand and that they, like me, are still young. Just knowing that I’m not alone is a massive help, so I just want to say thank you.

  7. I started reading your blog this morning and rushed home from university this afternoon to continue reading, I have now read every entry. I am only 21 and cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. I am rubbish with words (chemistry student) and really can’t get across what I want to say but your blog has really touched me. I hope today was a good day, and if not, hopefully tomorrow. I will keep on reading.

  8. Thank you for your heartfelt blog. I just lost my husband and have two young girls (who are absolutely adorable and beautiful). I am praying time heals for us, and we can one day celebrate Daddy, without an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

  9. Hi Nicola,
    Thank you for sharing your journey with other young widows. I was a young widow also, I was 38 with 4 children ages 6 and under when Joe died. I was defined as “widow” for 22 years. I too wrote a blog about the identity of “widow”. Would love to share it with you. http://goo.gl/9tTFq
    I hope my words are a help.
    Be well,

  10. Hi My name is Ann Marie. I am a 44 year old widow. My husband died on February 17, 2011 on our 22 year 2 month wedding anniversary. He was 49 years old. I have a 21 year old married daughter. I want you to know you are not alone and if you would ever like to talk my personal email is eacnovak@gmail.com. I have taken to blogging to connect with others who are experiencing some of the same things as me. Also it helps to get my thoughts and feeling out and is sure cheaper than therapy. Take care.

  11. Hello,
    I just found your blog and it helped me realize that I am not alone in this awful journey. My husband passed away suddenly 5 weeks ago. I have been feeling very alone and that no one understands how I am feeling and how hard it is when you have 2 small kids. You have given me hope that my kids and I are not alone and can find the strength to carry on.
    Thank you so very much!

  12. Hello
    I have just stumbled across your blog by accident, well it must be fate as I too lost my husband, Will aged 40 on the 26th February 2013 and just by reading your blog together with the other messages left for you, I realise I am not the only one in this situation. Three months have passed and it may as well be three days as the grief is just as raw. I too am a mum of two and my late husband and I have a three year old son together. I take a day at a time and am so thankful for my children. Thank you for speaking about your first year, this gives me hope as Will’s birthday is fast approaching, with Father’s Day some two days later! I don’t know where we find the strength to carry on but I want to wish you and your children all the luck in the world and may you eventually find some peace and comfort. Love Kellie xx

    1. Kellie I hope you are doing OK. I stepped away from blog for a couple of weeks as I had a few things to deal with but read my latest post when it comes up to see why. Fingers crssed you are keeping on keeping on every day. It’s hard. x

  13. Dear Nicola, my dear friend Alexander Jones- davies worked with your husband Colin at Payne Hicks Beech and sent me the link to the article in the Mail. He thought it might be helpful for me and already having only read a couple of your blogs I am desperate to meet you and talk and talk.
    My husband Tommy died on April 6th from an aortic aneurism in bed next to me on our game reserve in South Africa . There were no doctors, ambulances, policemen, just me and 2 gap year 18 yr olds who were helping on the farm. Tommy died , he was 47. I am 42 and we have3 children, Jack who is 8, Clementine who is 6 and Lily who is 2.
    I am in a state of disbelief. I feel so many things inside I don’t know what to do. Sometimes now I feel almost euphoric, it’s all just heightened emotions, I am being treated like a ‘Celebrity widow’- a title I would rather not have and am pretty pissed off at the fasttrack, free life membership to the exceptionally small and exclusive club that is that of being a young bloody widow. I would love the chance to chat to you. You have somehow made it through the first year and I think I need some hand holding. I live in north Wiltshire near malmesbury but come to London regularly.
    Please reply!
    Love and a lot of respect to you
    Vanessa Buchan (Ness)

    1. Hi Ness, Just read your blog. It is the hardest thing in the world, and you are bravely treading, as there is nothing else you can do, where all the rest of us dread to be. But we Share your grief, and your love and miss Tommy too. Not the same, I know, as we didn’t see you as often as we’d like to have. Would love to have you over, kids and all. Let me know what works 07951575364

  14. My name is Genna, I am 34, and I live in Alexandria, Virginia (USA) with two girls under 4. My husband of 7 years died from a month-long illness on May 25 at age 33. It felt sudden, as he was very healthy before he entered the hospital on April 25. I know no one who has been in this situation of young widowhood, so I started to search for relatable stories. I have found that everything you say rings so true for me, even though I have only been a widow for 3 days. Reading your blog, I have come to realize I will carry this sadness forever, but I do find comfort in the fact that I am not alone in grief. You know what I am feeling, even though I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. I am tired of hearing people say they are sorry. I am tired of people asking how I am doing. I am especially tired of people asking what I need because the answer is obvious. But I stay up late reading your posts, and I am able to sleep. Thank you for giving me a place to relate, after losing the one person who made me feel the least alone.

    1. Genna, wow. You’re in a horrid place. Shock, disbelief and hopelessness. It will get better but it is sooooo early. People will not understand but if there’s one thing that may help print off or send a few copies of this post around. People want to do their best but need guidance. I promise you’ll find a way through but until things clear a little just eat what you can, sleep (with help if needed) and keep breathing. Xxx https://widowsdontwearblack.com/2012/07/17/invaluable-advice-for-friends-of-a-widowwidower/

  15. Hi Nicola,
    I sit here reading some of the comments above and I just want to share with you and all going through the same thing as us- thank you – your blog gave me hope and strength – so much you will never know. When I became a widow myself on February 18th 2013, I looked in many places to get some form of hope and I found it in your blog. Even the term widow is a term I would never accept as describing myself but you have changed it to something denoting strength and character when life throws you seriously bad curveballs. My husband Martin was 40 when he was killed off his racing bike, leaving me, at 39, with 4 children between the ages of 1 and 9. I thank God for giving me the strength to get through this nightmare that I am just waking up from. And thank you for that refusal to lie down and mourn for ever- as it inspired me to believe that there were others going through the same thing and getting through it with dignity, strength and humour. Thank you, Siobhán x

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