These last few weeks of summer the girls have been catching wishes. You know those floaty, spindly spheres that dance away from you as soon as you reach out to grab one. Yes, those. If my five and three-year-old can’t catch them I run, jump and grab upwards or stamp down upon them like a slightly geriatric child just so my girls can have those eyes-tight-shut-with-hopeful-whisperings kind of moments that I remember doing too. Where I wished for hair as long as Claire Jenkins, my girls wishes are much more poignant but are just as likely to not happen.
Evie: “Mummy, if we wish really, really hard can we get daddy to come back.”
Me: “No, darling. A wish can’t ever bring daddy back. Remember I told you his body was broken and we said goodbye to it and daddy’s energy and spirit is all around us…”
Evie: “Yes I know but can Santa not even fix it so daddy can come back.”
Me: “I am so sorry honey. He can’t come back.”
Evie: “Well then can I wish for a new daddy.”
Me: “Well yes but you know Cameron is here not to be your daddy but he can be a bit like a daddy.”
Evie: “Yes that’s OK but can Isla and I have a daddy that doesn’t have any other children. A daddy just for us.”
Isla: “I miss daddy. I want him back.”
Me: “I know honey. I wish you could have him back but I’m here.”
Isla: “But I want his cuddles.”
Me: “I know me too. But you’re lucky. You’re daddy is special because other daddies only get to see their little girls after school or nursery or after work. Your daddy watches over you all the time. And while he was here your daddy gave me so many cuddles that I can pass some of them to you.”
Isla: “And his kisses?”
Me: “Yes darling. Kisses too.”
Our sweet girls, Col. If only those spindly floaty wish things could make wishes come true…I wish that these were not the types of conversations I shared with my little girls at bedtime and that you could kiss and cuddle them in the flesh. I just wish.