Happy Birthday Dear Darling

Stumble, trip. Stumble, trip. Every time an anniversary hits I stumble and trip my way into it, no prep, and I find myself amazed to feel myself bereft once more. It has been cols birthday today. I had thought I was on top of it. So many many calendar dates down the line and I believed I was a pro at handling the grief monster. Ha. Last thought I had before sleep last night was this was cols third birthday since his death. Forever 38. Sad but ok. First thing this morning Evie and I had a discussion about what she’d have done for daddy if he’d been here for his birthday. She’d have let him play with her toys. Heartbreaking but still ok. Kids and I in a supermarket challenged by a self checkout… Uncontrollable weeping out of the blue. Odd just odd.
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Running For Colin

I am running the Edinburgh Half Marathon again next weekend. It falls on Col’s birthday weekend. He would have been 41 this year. Any donations will go toward the British Heart Foundation because the important work they do may one day save the lives of Col’s children and the children of many other adults who died too young. What’s lurking in your family tree…the BHF pledges to find out. So you see any little donation to my little run in Col’s memory helps. Click here for my JustGiving page. Last year my rather larger Team Colin raised about £16,000, this year…well, from pennies to pounds every little bit helps. x

 

Loss Of Control

Sometimes I wish life were like a school biology experiment. Instead of ten woodlice in one ‘control’ petri dish residing on a soggy bit of kitchen roll in their little world all constant and unchanged compared to their 10 friends on very similar petri dish who’d have had all sorts of changeables thrown at them, there would be two sets of me, Evie and Isla going through two similar but two very different lives. In one petri dish of a life the three of us would be all constant and unchanged and living in London and Colin would be there. On the other petri dish we’d have had all the spanners life has thrown at us since the death of Col. Hopefully on this second petri dish we’d be surviving and rebuilding as we are here and now but it would make it easier to pinpoint how we’ve been altered because we could look at the other Evie, Isla and Nicola and see what might have been and compare and contrast. The conclusion would be so simple. Any differences between those two petri dishes could be put down to his loss and the whole fallout from that terrible fact.

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