I had a large bag of notes, cards, letters and photos, 100s of them, that I have not looked at or opened since the weeks after Col died. I have tried. Numerous times. But failed to even go beyond the first few lines of the first letter opened. I bought a beautiful book to place the memorial cards people picked up at the service for him and were to fill in with their favourite memory of Col for myself, Evie and Isla to read in years to come. These have a smiley Col beaming out from them on one side and are blank for his friends, family and colleagues to conjure up a moment in time with the man we all adored. I have read only half of them today. Through tears. So many tears. My head hurts, my eyes are but a memory and pure puffiness has replaced where they once were and I keep seeing him everywhere and weeping more.
It’s so sad to hear how much he loved me through the words of others. So heartbreaking to know how much he was enjoying his shortlived turn at fatherhood. But so warming to know how he made others feel. I can’t write him better than these words…the words of those who knew and loved him…here is just a tiny handful of those from the messages I reopened (or indeed opened for the first time today)….Colly you were Some Guy.
“clever and kind, insightful and thoughtful….a warm and charming man…a star who had the beautiful gift of being able to bring those on the outside in and make them feel so special….a gentleman, kind and compassionate….so charming and genuine…one of life’s ‘good people’…a true gentleman…charming, funny and cheeky….one of the kindest and best of men…an impressive combination of fierce intelligence and easy-going charm..life and soul of the party…good looking and charming (he’d have loved that one)…(but he’d like this one more) the most popular person I know…bright, gentlemanly and relaxed in his own skin with an utterly brilliant sense of humour…devilishly handsome, dashing and generous with a wicked twinkle in his eye…Colin Campbell a man who it was impossible not to like and admire…he made my life richer and it was my utter privilege to have known him…
Oh Colly it will be two years tomorrow that we said our goodbyes to you and these words of Helen Steiner Rice ring so true.
“The life of one we love is never lost…Its influence goes on through all the lives it ever touched” Helen Steiner Rice
and I like this one too. Loss leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. Thank you for the memories My love.