Reading Him Through Others’ Words

I had a large bag of notes, cards, letters and photos, 100s of them, that I have not looked at or opened since the weeks after Col died. I have tried. Numerous times. But failed to even go beyond the first few lines of the first letter opened. I bought a beautiful book to place the memorial cards people picked up at the service for him and were to fill in with their favourite memory of Col for myself, Evie and Isla to read in years to come. These have a smiley Col beaming out from them on one side and are blank for his friends, family and colleagues to conjure up a moment in time with the man we all adored. I have read only half of them today. Through tears. So many tears. My head hurts, my eyes are but a memory and pure puffiness has replaced where they once were and I keep seeing him everywhere and weeping more.

It’s so sad to hear how much he loved me through the words of others. So heartbreaking to know how much he was enjoying his shortlived turn at fatherhood. But so warming to know how he made others feel. I can’t write him better than these words…the words of those who knew and loved him…here is just a tiny handful of those from the messages I reopened (or indeed opened for the first time today)….Colly you were Some Guy.

“clever and kind, insightful and thoughtful….a warm and charming man…a star who had the beautiful gift of being able to bring those on the outside in and make them feel so special….a gentleman, kind and compassionate….so charming and genuine…one of life’s ‘good people’…a true gentleman…charming, funny and cheeky….one of the kindest and best of men…an impressive combination of fierce intelligence and easy-going and soul of the party…good looking and charming (he’d have loved that one)…(but he’d like this one more) the most popular person I know…bright, gentlemanly and relaxed in his own skin with an utterly brilliant sense of humour…devilishly handsome, dashing and generous with a wicked twinkle in his eye…Colin Campbell a man who it was impossible not to like and admire…he made my life richer and it was my utter privilege to have known him…

Oh Colly it will be two years tomorrow that we said our goodbyes to you and these words of Helen Steiner Rice ring so true.

“The life of one we love is never lost…Its influence goes on through all the lives it ever touched” Helen Steiner Rice

and I like this one too. Loss leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. Thank you for the memories My love.

2 Replies to “Reading Him Through Others’ Words”

  1. It will be six months tomorrow since my children and I said goodbye to my husband. I have yet to pull out any pictures, notes, move his clothes or shoes. But the other day I ran across a card that he sent along with some flowers to my job. It hurt so bad because I remember that day like it was yesterday. It hurt so bad because it was a great day and it all started with me waking up to him! Me and the kids miss him so much and I pray that one day we will find it therapeutic to look at his personal effects again. Right now they are invisible as I feel………………

    1. Thank you again for another emotional, honest blog that I and I am sure many others can relate to. I feel as though I can not go through any cards or letters or photos, as at the moment I am strong but I know i will loose it if I do. Reading your blog I know I will be exactly the same and at some point we have to do those things and let the grief roll out on this never ending journey. Please don’t stop writing the good and the sad x

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