The Date Game

As the 12 month mark has been passed of course I have now ticked off all the landmark dates that loom in your average griever’s diary. But I have now found myself playing a new game, which is less about calendar dates but more about the passing of time and how messed up it is that it keeps on ticking without Col. So it was Evie’s birthday last week. A day which of course had its own mix of happiness, anger and sadness. But the thing that kept whizzing around in my head throughout the celebrations was that Colin only ever saw one of his daughter’s birthdays. Evie’s first. Wham. Human punchbag that I am, big, bad grief got me on that several times. Then I worked out that at three Evie is only nine months away from being alive longer without Colin than with. Bam. The punches keep on rolling. And so you allow your brain to conjure up more painful facts, at 16 months Isla is only six months away from being the age Evie was when he last saw her. Slam. On my birthday I will be the age Col was when he died. And down. Round two will of course be when I have been a widow longer than I was married. Only about 18 months until that….not that I am counting…haha

Our birthday girl, Col xx
Our birthday girl, Col xx

5 thoughts on “The Date Game

  1. Hi you really must stop torchering yourself. I am 50 my Mum died when I was 16 . I have spent hours wasting time working out things that you describe.including that in in July I will be the same age that my Mum was when she died.
    I then realised that it was more important to live the life I have and look to the future. I know it’s hard. When my ex left for another women I went through the same grieving process .
    I hope these words might help not hinder

  2. My heart goes out to you. I’m finishing my grief counselling in two weeks and the dates that mean the most have been discussed this week. I lost my partner four days before Xmas last year. We were looking at a new house about to get engaged I felt like my future and dreams had all been robbed from me. I count my daughter , his children and our family and friends as a blessing. I ended up at the gym everyday ( which I never did ) and joined a pool team. Anything that made me concentrate and keep me busy . I didn’t want to go on at the start but now I smile again and try and do bucket list tasks. We used to alphabet date and I’m finishing of the letters with the girls. My hearts with you . One thing now I can say is life can never be as sad as it was then. Lots of love and best wishes xx

  3. I know what you mean by the date game. I do it myself. Before my husband died he told me “I am the one dying not you, please remember to keep living.” It is easier said then done. I can’t imagine having two small children and losing your husband. My daughter was 19 when her dad died. She still has a hard time dealing with his death. Just remember you are all your daughters have now and you need to be strong for them.

  4. Hi, in 3 weeks time it will be my first year date, since my husband died. I have only just started to say died, I normally say left me. But I am amazed that a year has gone by all ready, it feels as if it was yesterday. Facts and figures are all ways going through my mind, and before you know it you hit an all time low and start crying, but it is so hard to stop thinking about these things. I have also started to be happy for longer periods of time, and when I stop and realise this, it also sends me into a low and cry. Being a widow is so hard, and no one other then us seem to understand. HUGS to you all xxxxxx

  5. I just found your fb page and your blog. My dearly loved husband Chuck died just two weeks ago. We’ve spent the last almost 4 years traveling the United States, after selling our house and most of our belongings in New Jersey. We’d reserved a condo here in California for 3 months but he was sick when we got here and after just 2 weeks he asked me to take him to the ER. They admitted him immediately and tests found his body riddled with cancer. We got him into hospice and he died within 3 weeks.

    I’m in shock and have no idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life without him. I’ve always been a totally competent, independent, strong woman, but you’d never know it if you felt my pulse points and realized the panic that regularly besets me as I face life.

    I know that reaching out to other widows is what’s going to be my saving grace~
    Alison
    1/2 of Happily Homeless

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