Much Love To ALL

A happy little shot of me and the girls to say to the world…we’re ok….ImageI would like to thank everyone for their outpouring of support, kind messages and love, really. Life went slightly crazy yesterday when the Daily Mail published extracts from my blog. It’s been amazing and so wonderful to hear from others that have either suffered the loss of a partner or parent, friend, brother, son…the list goes on. There are messages wishing me strength and stories of suffering that would make your toes curl. There have been generous strangers donating to my half marathon in Col’s memory. It’s all so overwhelming but in a really, good and positive way. So thank you all. I will reply individually as soon as I can.

On the comments on the actual Daily Mail site there are many most upset with me though. It’s haunted me a little. I would like to point out to those people angry with me for removing my wedding rings…I have not. I moved them to my other hand and wear them there alongside Colin’s wedding ring. This was my choice because I hated people assuming as I am going through my daily life with the girls that I was happily married to an alive husband. I am not and this way people get a little heads up when they meet me that things are not quite as tickety boo as I would like them to be. I remain in love with Col and I remain ‘married’ to him in that he will always be part of me, the girls and our lives. I hope that makes a little more sense to the incensed.

34 Replies to “Much Love To ALL”

  1. Such a lovely picture and I wish you all a future of the happiness you deserve. Interesting about the ring as I lost my husband 18 months ago and still wear it on my left hand. Your comments really made me think about whether I should still do so but the thought of not wearing it fills me with fear. I think I would wear it on my right hand but it is too tight! Maybe a few more months and I will be able to wear it on a chain or just put it somewhere safe. And for the record; whatever we choose to do is the right thing!!

  2. I read those comments on the Daily Mail online site too, I really wouldn’t let it bother you, most are just trolls looking to get a rise out of people.

    I started reading your blog yesterday after seeing you in the Daily Mail, I read every entry yesterday evening and just wanted to reassure you after seeing what you have written today that you are an amazing person and looks like you are coping remarkably well in the wake of such tradegy.

    I hope you and your girls find the happiness in the future you all deserve, and I look forward to reading some more of your blogs in future.

  3. It seems that there are always people out there too quick to criticise, keep doing what you think is right for you and the girls and your true friends and family will support you.

    oh, and what a beautiful portrait of you and the girls 😉


  4. Hi Nicola, it’s a lovely pic. You look, and are, fabulous. Your beautiful little girls are incredibly lucky to have such a loving, intelligent and thoughtful mother (re your last blog about how Isla will manage) and in the circumstances, re your blog before that, I would have thought that only mild depression is a huge achievement. I imagine that in your cruelly abbreviated time with Colin you have experienced more happiness and love than many others will enjoy in a lifetime. Keep strong and feel confident in your own instincts, and do whatever you want or need to do, and try to ignore those (probably including some nutters!) who think they know better and who have no idea of what you have been and are going through. You are a credit to yourself and to Colin, and no doubt a fantastic mum to your girls.
    love, Lisa x

  5. Stunning picture of you and your girls. people will always find something to criticise! you don’t have to explain anything, you are doing a fantastic job x

  6. I saw your story on the Daily Mail. I lost my husband in December of last year to cancer, he was 36. Though we didn’t have children, I can relate to what you have been/are going through. It is nice to know there are others who feel the way I do…keep doing what feels right for you, no matter what anyone says. And thanks for writing such an honest account of grief.

  7. What a gorgeous picture! I read your blog yesterday- every single post and just wanted to say what a beautiful inspirational person you are. Your girls are so blessed to have such a wonderful mother and Colin wold be looking down on you every day so proud of you and what he sees. The love you shared will never die. Keep on going, you are an amazing woman! 😉

  8. Darling Nic. Having been through some trauma in my life, I have found that for most people, it’s virtually impossible that they really grasp what you’re going through, unless of course, they’ve experienced it first hand. We all love to think that we are so broad minded and so caring and thoughtful and, on the whole, we are but to criticise how someone handles a situation that you, yourself, have never been through, is just plain stupid. There’s so many things that I’ve done, relating to my life changing experiences, that I never thought I’d do and I would be devastated if anyone judged me for them. You must always do what helps you through and most importantly, what helps you and your girls through the journey that your loss will take you on. You 3 are the most important people and what anybody else thinks you should or shouldn’t be doing is frankly terribly unimportant. Always in my thoughts xxxxxxxx

  9. I sat in Starbucks & read the piece in the DM yesterday morning,it was very emotional for me. Not because Ive lost my husband but because Im frightened of that time. Does that make sense? It’s daft really as I’m only 42 & my husband is 37.
    I think you are amazing & so brave to broadcast your story to people you have never met. As for the criticism, you can never please all of the people all of the time so don’t worry. I’d feel strange without my wedding band but I know you would have given the moment to switch hands a great deal of time & I expect you wrestled with your thoughts. Lots of love & hugs to you all. Steph x

  10. I know its easier said than done but try to ignore those anonymous commentators on the daily mail site. Unfortunately it is known for nasty comments! I was always thought if you have nothing nice to say just say nothing!!! 🙂

    You know what is right for you an your girls and that is all that matters! Keep your head up and just take each day as it comes. I lost my dad last August and have days where its hard and others where its ok – it was great for me reading some of your posts yesterday as i know now that all the feelings i have are “normal” whatever that is!

    By the way beautiful picture of you and your girls

  11. Hi Nicola, I am Wendy Quinn’s sister Linda,we used to all play together when we were kids. Just wanted to say how well I think you are doing.I have been following your blogs! Will record tomorrow’s Lorraine,good luck with it and keep up the good work!

    Lots of love

    Linda xxxx

    Sent from my iPad

  12. I applaud your courage, I too lost my wonderful husband in 2012 just short of his 42nd birthday & felt like my life had ended too, but as you only know you do have to get up from under your duvet to face the day & put on that oh so false smile & say I’m ok when all you want to do is scream at the top of your voice WHY. I’m sending you a big hug to you & your beautiful daughters

      1. My mother was widowed at 32 with two of us and often spoke about wanting to get into the wardrobe and hide. It is incredibly hard but having seen her get through it, i know it is doable even if horrendous. Best wishes

  13. Bless you and your beautiful daughters! I too found your blog through DailyMail and it’s the best thing that site has ever done for me. I am 14 weeks pregnant and lost my husband 5 weeks ago, our first child together is his miracle at 40 years old. Reading your blog yesterday brought me more than hope… I don’t feel so alone. Thank you…

  14. I just want to stop by and say hello. I saw extracts of your blog on DM yesterday and my heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to lose someone close to you so suddenly (I lost my Dad similarly in July 2011) and the thoughts and feelings you go through in the following years aren’t comprehendible by people who haven’t experienced it for themselves.

    As you know re: the rings, there is no right or wrong in the grieving process. People may find certain ways in which we deal with our grief strange but until they have been in that position they can’t even begin to understand and therefore have little room for comment.

    You seem to be a very strong woman who will get through this, because there’s no other choice – you have two beautiful girls who need you. I’m sure you are doing an amazing job and making your husband so proud!

    Take care x

  15. Hi Nic, been following your blog for a while now and remember only too well hearing about Colin last year. I hear from your mum (via mine!) how you are doing and all about the girls and what they are up to but decided it was about time I got in touch in person. Saturday afternoons in the rugby club seem like a long time ago! I can’t imagine what the last year has been like for you all. I know you don’t think that you are doing anything amazing in that this was thrust upon you and you have no choice but to cope but I disagree – you have got up and got on with bringing up your girls and filling their lives with family and friends and love. And you are providing hope and support to others through your blog. Whatever Sunday brings I will be thinking of you all.
    Catriona (Brown)

  16. There will be always people that are so cruel and so unhappy wi th their own existence, that they just go flagging others off, finding faults and complaining. Those sad winners are all over social media, just looking for anything to rant at.
    You are an amazing woman and will surely be a pillar of strenght for your girls. I admire you and I will prey that you,ll manage to ignore and forget the nasty judgement and the unpleasant comments. Be strong my dear girl. Bless you and your girls.

  17. I would like to say that your bravery and compassion is truly admirable and criticism from anyone is totally irrelevant in the scheme of things. I lost my husband five years ago at the age of 49 in a tragic fishing accident just before our 26th wedding anniversary and four months later I lost my mum. My biggest support was from my amazing friends but comfort comes in all guises and you should accept it no matter how it transpires.

    I have only just taken off my ring because I nearly lost it twice and took this as an omen and have now put it in my memory box with my husbands….. Your conscious decision to take yours off is admirable and shows great strength of character which will undoubtedly get you and your little girls through to the next level on this journey.

    I now have a another lovely man in my life and two little granddaughters … is good but oh so different, just another square on my patchwork quilt of life and I truly hope that all your heartache and troubled emotions will one day be just a square of happy memories and love on your own quilt.

    I wish you and your girls all the love and happiness and that sunshine days are just around the corner. You are an inspiration to young widows and their families.

    Just keep doing what you’re doing x

  18. Hi Nic

    There will always be other people who disagree with what you do. Don’t worry about what other people think. But… if like most of us, you can’t help yourself but worry, look at the number of people who gave a bad rating to those comments about your wedding ring (382 negative ratings at the latest count versus 1,967! positive ratings for the most highly rated sweet comment).

    Keep going, we think you’re amazing…

    With much love
    James FA

  19. I read the entire blog in one go, and am full of respect for you. Please ignore DM readers – it’s the equivalent of road rage: they can be as angry with you as they want behind their screens, but if they ever actually met you they’d disappear with their tails between their legs. Best of luck for the future, for you and the little ones.

  20. My husband died a few weeks ago when we both crashed our cars into a nearby river. Thankfully, both of our children managed to get out of the respective cars. Discovering your blog is a step and an inspiration towards happiness again.

    1. I actually have no idea what to say to you. Ruth that is awful. I am honoured you think the blog has a use for you. It simply is my way of coping. I can recommend writing things down. I actually can’t remember much of the last 12 months so when I read my posts back it lets me know I am slowly moving to a better place than I was. Good luck. I’m wishing you lots of strength (though I hate the bloody word…tired of being told I am full of it!!). x

  21. Hi, My Husband died 3rd March 2012 aged 38 from bowel cancer.
    I read your DM article via the FB page ‘dying matters’ and literally found you a breath of fresh air 🙂 You made me laugh with your term ‘widow bombs’ I used to do that too (having a relapse at the moment with his death anniversary coming up).
    I too have moved my wedding and engagement rings over to my right hand and did so within 6 months of his death. I couldn’t face the questions where people would look at your hands and make polite conversation about your husband, it usually ended up with me telling them he was dead…….conversation killer 🙂 So to save them from me, making them feel like absolute crap I moved my rings.
    I too am running a half marathon but on his death day, as I wanted to do something positive, rather than sit at home and boo uncontrollably, although at the moment it feels like I’m in training for a Boo’athon rather than a half marathon!:)
    Exercise is good I take part in bootcamp 3 to 4 times a week and this involves boxing too, amazing for the anger stages (for when you feel like a hamster running around that grief wheel!!) It is the one thing that has kept my sanity over the past few years (I started before he died as the anticipation of him dying was so difficult to deal with as I had to care for him and stay positive) Because of this I am probably fitter/stronger now at 40 than I was in my 20’s. So good luck with the training the endorphins are worth it.
    Take care xxxx
    Sue T

    1. Hi Sue T, I’m flattered that my madness in blog form, widow tourette’s and all, has touched you and made you laugh. I think you sound much fitter than I. I have spent the last year not treating my body very well (too little food, too much wine and not enough sleep) so this has made me take stock. And my personal trainer was quite impressed so that’s encouraging for making it around!! Good luck on March 3rd. I’ll be thinking of you. Take tissues…for the finish line weep. Take care too. Nicx

  22. Hi, I made contact with you a couple of days ago. The wedding ring issue is something I keep thinking about. My husband has only been gone for 9 months and all ready some people have said, I will re marry at my age. But this is something I cant even think about. Most say, every body copes differently and what is right for me will not be right for some one else. A nice rule book would be nice, but realise this is not possible for grief. I dont even understand why I cry sometimes, it just happens. Then people say, pull yourself together. They just do not get it. You sound as if things are going well for your family, and I wish you well for the future. But I also know that us widows are good at putting on a smile to make others happy, when deep down we want to scream….. HUGS HUGS xxxx

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