Yes

I woke this morning with this song in my head. Yes. It’s an old favourite but in the last week it keeps coming into my internal dukebox. So then Evie and I danced three times to it pre nursery. And it felt good. Then I found her shoe in the gutter (it had been there since the night before) and I locked myself out of the house. Both of those things a couple of weeks ago would have floored me but today I just thought ‘bring it on’. Yes, I might feel better this week. I might not next. But all in all I can’t keep looking backwards. I have to dust myself off and think about keeping on keeping on.  And so I have played this song again and again today. Its sentiments are not quite right but they capture the spirit of me. Yes, I do feel better, shingles and all.

6 thoughts on “Yes

  1. Dear Nicola

    Why has it taken me almost 11 months to find your blog?

    I am terribly, terribly sorry for your loss. Every widow’s journey is different I’m sure, but I recognise, understand, laugh and cry at much of what you have written. It is amazingly helpful to me to know that I am not going mad after all, and that someone else out there is living this Groundhog Day hell too. So, from an unknown friend on the other side of the computer, I’m sending a massive cyber hug to you and your girls, mountains of thanks and words from a friend of mine, “if you can keep putting one foot in front of the other, you’re doing good, girl”.

    Thank you
    Sarah
    (Mark was 44 when he died suddenly. Dan was 7 and Bec was 6. They miss their dad every day but their strength and their resilience pulls me through).

  2. love your blog..i have managed to survive 10 months without the love of my life..steve died aged 53 quite suddenly leaving me and his gorgeous 9 mnth old son joey x

  3. Hi, I lost my husband suddenly last May, he was 56. It hurts like crazy and look forward to when the pain will stop. Feel guilty when you smile or laugh because he is not with me. I have only just found your blogg, and it does help to know other people feel the same. Nobody fully understands untill it happens to them. I do not have children, and only have one sister, so I do not have a large support network around me. I still wear my wedding rings can not make my mind up about whether to keep on or take off yet. HUGS HUGS to you xx

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