Since February I have been compiling several playlists for different needs. The first is Music To Weep To. Songs that capture that empty feeling I have inside or tunes that remind me of moments with Colin. It is important to weep you see. It is a bit like labour where I was told you must think of each contraction as being one step closer to the baby. Weeping intensely brings you one step closer to feeling better. Not fixed, I am beginning to understand. But better. And sometimes you just weep because your two-year-old has asked you why her Daddy will never pick her up from nursery. Other times you need to orchestrate the weepage. For those that know me well. Well they will know how good at weeping I am. Colin thought of me as a professional weeper. One who was easily manipulated by TV and films’ soundtracks. I remember him, vividly, turning to me while watching rubbish like the X-Factor to check that I was weeping suitably well at some sob story or other. If I wasn’t he would shake his head and say very seriously: ‘You’ve changed. You have a heart of stone.’ He didn’t get to say it much because usually I was a sobbing blob on the sofa and he would turn back satisfied that I was back on top weeping form. If only he could see me now….which incidentally brings me to my first track.
Music To Weep To (TBC)
Phil Collins Against All Odds
– Mock him all you like but this song is perfect for catching you just where you need it with lyrics like ‘You’re the only one who really knew me at all’ and ‘there’s just an empty space’. And the drums. Genius. Oh and as Colin was king of bad taste, or indeed no taste, when it came to music, he of course loved this song too. I remember on a journey to Leeds in the car the two of us screeching it to each other despite not really knowing the words.
Kate Bush This Woman’s Work
– already mentioned in a previous post I know but this is a goody. The lyrics make me shiver with grief and sometimes I really need that. It also good for making friends and family weep with you. I know because I have tried it and it works nearly every time.
Snow Patrol Chasing Cars
– This one is here just because Johnny Vaughan used to play it a lot on the breakfast show on Capital and pre-kids Colin and I would take the words as our direction to Just Lay Here. And we would hug or hold hands before the day began.
Roberta Flack First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
– This was our first dance at our wedding. Which is obviously a strong memory but what no one else saw was the night we decided it would be our first dance. We had got a bit tipsy on the wedding wine we had been sent to taste. It was a hot evening so we danced outside in the side return of our house checking out our moves in the reflection of the French windows. Haha.